BEER
MAKES YOU SMART! ... PROFFESOR DICK-E-BIRD
BUNCE
A heard of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest and
weakest ones at the back of the herd. These weak members are
killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd
as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole
group keeps improving by the regular attrition of the weakest
members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of beer, we all know, kills brain cells,
but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
first. In this way, regular consumption eliminates the weaker
brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine. Dat's why you always feel smarter after a few beers,
eh!
FEMALE
HORMONES IN BEER!
Recently
our scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of
female hormones. To prove their theory, Professor Dick and
his team fed 100 Yoopers, including them selves, 12 jumbos
of beer each and observed that 100% of them gained weight,
talked excessively without sense, and became emotional, couldn't
drive and refused to apologizing when wrong. Daily future
testing is planned.
SEX
DRIVE DEMINISHED!
Our
married scientists at the school have discovered a food that
diminishes a woman's drive for sex - wedding cake.
