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490 N. Steel Street
Ishpeming, MI 49849
(906) 485-5595


A year ago we asked you to tell us your best short story about getting old, and we've picked a 1st place winner and also two runner up winners!

The 1st Place Winner Is...
Morgan will receive a Yooperland Border Patrol Hat, a Yooperland Border Patrol Koozie, a Yooperland
Border Patrol Pint Glass
and our "Da Yoopers Songs for Fart Lovers" CD!

Here is Morgan's story;

    I have come to appreciate naps as I get older but I know of a time when a nap resulted in the biggest ruckus our county has ever had! It was during the summer of ‘96 when the whole area was in fear after one of the county commissioner's wives wrecked her car upon seeing a monster cross the road in front of her in broad daylight. She described the creature as being at least seven and a half feet tall and covered in moss. Soon the local paper had dubbed the monster “the Mossman” and mothers were keeping a close eye on their kids in case they might wander off into the woods. For the first time anyone could remember people were locking their doors at night and only ventured outside after dark when it was absolutely necessary. About a week after the sighting of the Mossman I went to church where the new pastor gave a particularly invigorating sermon titled “Hearing God.” Being energized by the new preacher I decided to go over and invite my neighbor, old Wilbur Perkins, to church.

    Old man Perkins was a crotchety recluse who was rarely seen in public and had no friends that I knew of. I had spoken to him on occasion but he was not much on conversation and I had never seen him crack a smile. As I approached his house I saw the old man coming out of his barn and met him at the back door to his house. “Good afternoon Mr. Perkins!” I said, “I wanted to stop by and invite you to church. We have a new pastor who gave us a great sermon today about hearing God. I think...” I have to admit I was startled when right then the old man bust out laughing so hard I thought he might have had some form of a mental disorder. Wilbur told me “Come on in Roger, I have a story to tell you.” We went inside the old man’s house where he invited me to have a seat and, after swearing me to secrecy, told me the most amazing tale.

    It seems that two weeks prior to my visit Wilbur’s son Willie had sent him a package for his 75th birthday. When old man Perkins opened the package he discovered a ghillie suit, like those used by avid bow hunters to hunt game and Marine snipers wear in the movies. The ghillie suit is used to camouflage the wearer and is made from loose hanging strips of burlap dyed in various forest hues that covers the body from head to toe. The ghillie suit was invented by Scottish gamekeepers to wear in order to catch poachers. Anyway, the old man was an avid hunter and told me he decided to try the suit out before deer season. Wilbur told me he put the ghillie suit on and walked into the woods where he laid down in the middle of a briar patch. He didn’t know how long he laid there because it was the time of day he generally took his nap and he went to sleep. Wilbur woke up upon hearing voices and when he looked he saw a couple making out not but 10 yards from where he laid. He recognized the two, it was the commissioner's wife and our new pastor! The woman had her blouse unbuttoned and the two were kissing passionately. Wilbur told me had he not been napping, he would have moved off upon seeing them approach but at that point it was too late so he just laid there without moving.

    Wilbur recalled to me of how, without thinking, he cried out “Hypocrites!” Upon hearing a voice with no one else in sight, the woman screamed and took off running clutching her blouse closed while the pastor looked all around before dropping to his knees praying “Lord, I am so sorry! Please forgive me, and I will never do anything like this again.” Old man Perkins said he had to bite his lip to keep from laughing, then he shouted, “See that you don’t! Now go!” and the preacher jumped up and took off after the commissioner's wife. Wilbur said he was laughing so hard as he was walking back to his house that he wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on around him and as he was crossing the road in front of his house he heard tires sliding on gravel, then a crash. He turned around to see the commissioner's wife in her new Cadillac at rest in the ditch. Wilbur said he started walking toward the car to see if the woman was hurt when she started screaming hysterically, then fell over in the seat in a dead faint! He walked over and peered inside the car then realizing she didn’t recognize him in the ghillie suit, Wilbur said he thought it best to just go home and call the police to report the accident. “Roger,” I remember Wilbur advising me, “when you get my age you will appreciate your daily naps but whatever you do make sure you take them at home and not in the woods!”

    Wilbur wrapped up his story by sadly proclaiming that he was afraid to wear his gift that fall during deer season because someone might shoot him. The Mossman was never seen in our area again and in a few months the excitement petered out but every now and then the creature is mentioned, usually by parents of unruly children. The pastor is here, still preaching fire and brimstone and now married to a widow, but every now and then he talks about the day he heard God speak to him in the wilderness without going into explicit detail. The commissioner and his wife were divorced after she ran off with the contractor who was remodeling their house the next year. Old Wilbur Perkins never did come to church but we did become close friends after he shared his story with me. After old man Perkins passed away several years ago his son stopped by with a package he said Wilbur wanted me to have. Inside was a practically new ghillie suit.

We also chose two runner uppers eh!
Anja Schwartzentruber and Joel Jeffries!
They will each receive a Yooperland Border Patrol Hat, a Yooperland Border Patrol Koozie and a Yooperland Border Patrol Pint Glass.
Here is Anja Schwartzentruber story;

    Ya How's it goin' eh?
So here's a couple a obpervations about having a few winters under your suspenders (having giving up on belts). Ya know, a time when in a couple of years scientists will start asking you questions instead of looking at Bristle-cone Pines. A time when you look at a mushroom from your deer stand and tink "I remember when dat was a big stump."

1) You come across a weight loss ad for women with 'before and after' pictures.. You look at the 'before' picture and think "What's wrong with that?"
2) Several times a day you come to a sudden halt and ask yourself  "What the hell was I doing?"
3) In summer you wear swamp boots with shorts because you don't have to bend over and tie them.
4) In the grocery store, you only get looks from the grey-haired gals. You think "They're old" then realize "Shit, I'm old!" You spin your cart around and try to catch up with them.
5) You remember hearing Da Yoopers for the first time on the Dr. Demento Show over a college radio station late at night while traveling a deserted stretch of highway. You remember thinking "These are MY people! "

From Da Heart of Yooper Neverland, Anja Schwartzentruber

Here is Joel Jeffries story;

    Have I got one heck of a story for you! About 5 years ago, or was it 3? Anyway, I was headed towards, umm, that city up there. You know the one. Well when I got there, or did I stop somewhere else. Doesn't matter, I still found a place to pick up that item I was looking for. Seem to remember buying a few other things, but not what I went in there for in the first place. Oh wait, that's my wife's story. Here's mine... darned if I can remember... now I've got it.. no that's not it. Where was I going with this? Sorry, gotta go. Either I have to use the restroom or lunch is ready. I'll figure it out.

    Rich Smith My wife and I went to the hardware store for glass for a broken window. As I was putting the glass and caulk on the counter, she skipped over to a new knife display. Cashier asked "Should I ring this right up, or wait for your daughter?"

Thank You For Participating!