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| WANT FRIES WITH THAT? |
| NEXT TIME, ORDER OUT Astronomers using the radio telescope at Parkes Observatory in Australia thought they had important evidence of alien life when they picked up a distinctive radio signal at 2.3 to 2.4 gigahertz every evening about dinnertime. they later discovered that the signal was coming from the microwave oven downstairs. -UNCLE JOHN'S GREAT BIG BATHROOM READER |
| VICTOR VICTORIA An unidentified 31 year-old man was sentenced to 20 lashes in Tehran, Iran in October after a prank backfired. He had bet his father about 30 bucks that he could dress in a robe and veils and ride unnoticed in the Women's section of a segregated municipal bus, but he was detected because he failed to wear women’s shoes underneath the robes. A court ruled the prank obscene. - UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE |
| JUST SAY NO Police in England pounced on an elderly man when they raided a pub looking for a drug dealer. The suspect explained that his bag of white powder was actually the ashes of his late wife, Alice, which he carried everywhere. - FORTEAN TIMES |
| THE KINDER, GENTLER IRS As a public service to taxpayers, the Internal Revenue Service provides a free tax information service by phone. All you have to do is call the 800 number listed in your local directory, and you can get your tax questions answered. But in Portland, Oregon, taxpayers got a different type of service. When the phone was answered, callers heard a sultry voice breathing, and saying, "Hi, sexy." The embarrassed IRS later explained that the Portland phone directory had misprinted the number , instead of the IRS, callers were reaching phone Fantasies. - THE 176 STUPIDEST THINGS EVER DONE |
| HOLY MATRIMONY A 22 -year old los Angeles man advertised in a magazine as a lonely Romeo looking for a girl with whom to share a holiday tour of South America. the joyful Juliet who answered his plea turned out to be his widowed mother. - THE WORLD’S GREATEST MISTAKES |
| COOL CUSTOMER While Robert Redford was making a movie in New Mexico, a lady who encountered him in an ice cream parlor on Canyon Street between takes was determined to stay cool. She pretended to ignore the presence of the movie star, but after leaving the shop, she realized she did not have the ice cream cone she’d bought and paid for. She returned to the shop to ask for her ice cream cone. Overhearing, Robert Redford said, "Madame, you’ll probably find it where you put it; in your purse." - PAUL HARVEY,S FOR WHAT ITS WORTH |
| PAY TOILETS So few people owned indoor toilets in Terre Haute, Indiana in 1910, that when the Pennsylvania Railroad installed some at the train station, they became one of the towns major attractions. Some locals came to use the facilities, others, merely to marvel. But the restrooms were so jammed with admirers that when the trains pulled into the station, passengers literally had no place to go. So the railroad installed coin-operated locks, and gave the stationmaster a key to let ticket holders in for free -UNCLE JOHN'S GREAT BIG BATHROOM READER |
| NUDE When The State Police in Ogdensburg, New York, caught William J Hess, 39, burglarizing a greenhouse, he was wearing nothing. He replied that he was naked so that anyone who saw him in the greenhouse couldn’t identify him by describing his clothing. -DUMB, DUMBER, DUMBEST |
| ... MORE NUDE Peter Archer ,47, was arrested for running naked down a street in Melbourne, Australia, but was released when police learned he was fleeing a mortuary where a doctor had officially pronounced him dead. - PORTLAND OREGONIAN |
| THE PLAINTIFF: Gloria Sykes, 25-year-old resident of the San Francisco Bay area. THE DEFENDANT: The City of San Francisco THE LAWSUIT: Sykes was hit by a San Francisco cable car while crossing the street. the only visible injuries were a few cuts and bruises. But later, she claimed, she realized that the accident had turned her into a nymphomaniac. She sued, seeking compensation for neurological and psychological damages. VERDICT: she was awarded $50,000. -UNCLE JOHN'S GREAT BIG BATHROOM READER |
| THE PLAINTIFF: Anoki P Sultan THE DEFENDANT: Roman cCatholic Archbishop James Hickey. THE LAWSUIT: Sultan blamed the church for allowing the devil to take over his body. He knew the devil was present, because he hadn't been able to hold a job, had dropped out of school, smoked cigarettes, and had committed other unspeakable acts. He sued, asking for either $100 million or an exorcism. VERDICT: Case dismissed. -UNCLE JOHN'S GREAT BIG BATHROOM READER |
| HI, THIS IS A ROBBERY. HERE,S MY I.D. Dallas, Texas- Ronnie Darnell Bell,30, was arrested in Dallas for attempting to rob the Federal Reserve Bank. According to police, Bell handed a security guard a note that read: "this is a bank robbery of the Dallas Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas, give me all the money, thank you. Ronnie Darnell Bell. The guard pushed a silent alarm while an oblivious Bell chatted amiably, revealing to the guard that only minutes earlier he had tried to rob a nearby post office but that, they threw me out. - THE EDGE, THE PORTLAND OREGONIAN |
| TAKE THE MONEY AND... Baltimore, Maryland- bank robbers usually take the money and run. not Jeffrie Thomas, police said. Thomas, 35, walked into a signer bank Monday and handed the teller a note demanding money. When police arrived and asked which way he went, employees pointed to a man counting cash near a teller’s station. it was Thomas, adding up the take. Police said Thomas, who was unarmed, was taken into custody. - THE BALTIMORE SUN |
| WHAT'S YOUR EYE Q A 1978 newsletter edited at a branch of Mensa, an organization for high-IQ people, had numerous misspellings - including the word , intelligense. - THE LITERARY LIFE AND OTHER CURIOSITIES |
| OVERNIGHT EXPRESS? The U. S. Postal Service suffered a courtroom setback in 1992. USPS needed to get an expert -witness list to a Dayton, Ohio judge by the next day in an unemployment discrimination case in order to be able to use the witnesses at trial. The list was sent from Washington D. C. by the Postal Service’s Overnight Express Mail but did not arrive for 10 days. - THE CONCRETE ENEMA |
| TAKE THE STAIRS In 1986 our ‘For What It’s Worth’ department concludes that Orlando, Florida has one prejudiced jury! In the Orange County Courthouse, a jury of 12 was stuck for 20 minutes in a courthouse elevator - on there way to the courtroom to hear a case against the Otis Elevator Company! - PAUL HARVEY,S FOR WHAT IT,S WORTH |
WHO NEEDS AN ALARM? |
| SHEEP WHISPERER In 1994 author James Herriot, whose gentle accounts of the life of a British country veterinarian (such as all creatures great and small) are sold throughout the world and have inspired a television series, was in the hospital yesterday after being attacked by a flock of sheep. The 77-year-old writer, whose real name is Alf Wight, was trying to stop the black-faced sheep from eating plants on his lawn when they butted and trampled him, breaking his leg. -DESERT NEWS |
| WHO’S PREJUDICE? The always-so-correct British Broadcasting Corporation was severely embarrassed when news leaked out that they had paid white film extras up to five times as much as black extras during African location shooting of a documentary film series. Its title; “The Fight Against Slavery.” -THE WORLD,S GREATEST MISTAKES |
| ROOF COLLAPSE In 1979 the Allied Roofing and Siding Company of Grand Rapids, Michigan was engaged in cleaning snow from roofs in the area to prevent damage or collapse from the weight of heavy snow. But guess what roof did collapse from the weight of snow? The roof over the Allied Roofing and Siding Company. -THE BOOK OF BLUNDERS |
| HUMAN WHAT? Human Kindness Day took place in Washington D.C.on May 10,1975. At the press conference afterwards, police said there had been 600 arrests, 150 smashed windows, and 42 looted refreshment stands. -THE BOOK OF HEROIC FAILURES |
| NEVER TOOT YOUR OWN HORN The American Institute of Architects held their 1979 annual conference in Kansas City, to be near the Kemper Arena, to which they had awarded their prize as one of the finest buildings in the nation. On the first day of the conference, hordes of architects toured the inspired stRucture, with its wide spanning roof trusses, which the architectural record described as having an almost awesome muscularity. On the second day, the roof of the $12 million building fell down. Twenty-six architects were hospitalized. -THE BOOK OF HEROIC FAILURES |
| REAL DUMB PREDICTIONS Computers in the future may weight no more than 1.5 tons. - POPULLAR MECHANICS 1949 I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. ...... The Wireless Music Box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. I'm glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper. |
| There's More To Come, so CHECK BACK SOON, EH! |