How To Get Rid Of Tele Marketers"
Try these the next time some one wants to sell you
something over the phone
|1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.
|2. If they start out with, ìHow are you today?î say, ìWhy do you want
to know?î Alternately, you can tell them, ìIím so glad you asked, because
no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my sciatica
is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...î When they try
to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.î
|3. If they say theyíre Joe Doe from the XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where
it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about
their company for as long as necessary.
|4. This one works better if youíre male: Telemarketer: ìHi, my name
is Judy and Iím with Canter & Siegel services...î You: Hang on a second.
a few secondsí pause Okay, in really husky voice ìWhat are you wearing?î
|5. Cry out, in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, ìJudy!
Is that you? Oh, my GOD! Judy, how have you BEEN?î Hopefully, this will
give Judy a few brief moments of tenor as she tries to figure out where
the hell she could know you from.
|6. Say ìNoî, over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one,
and keep an even tempo even as theyíre trying to speak. This is the most
fun if you can keep going until they hang up.
|7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and
Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, ìI donít
have any friends.. .would you be my friend?î
|8. If they clean rugs: ìcan you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT
blood? How about HUMAN blood?î Alternate: ìsonny, my floor is made of stone.î
|9. . Let the person go though their spiel, providing minimal but necessary
feedback in the form of an occasional ìUh-huhî, ìReallyî or ìHow fascinatingî.
Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. When they get
all flustered, tell them you couldnít just give out your credit card number
to a complete stranger.
|10. . Tell them you work for the same company they work for example:
Telemarketer: ìThis is Bill from WaterTronics.î
You: ìWaterTronics! Hey, I work for them too. Where are you calling
Telemarketer: ìUh. . .Dallas, Texas.î
You: ìGreat, they have a group there too? Howís business/the weather?!?î
Telemarketer: ìSorry, we canít sell to employees.î
You: ìOh, okay. Bye!î
|11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer,
set the receiver down, Shout or scream ìOh my God!" and then hang up.
|12. (Jerry Seinfeld version) Tell the telemarketer youíre busy at the
moment and if they give you their phone number, youíll call them back.
Telemarketer will say, ìWeíre not allowed to give out our number.î You
say, ìI guess you donít want anyone bothering you at work, right?î Telemarketer
will agree. You say, ìnow you know how I feel!î Hang-up.
|13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
|14. Tell them it is dinnertime, but ask if they would please hold.
Put them on your speakerphone while you continue eat at your leisure. Smack
your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
|15. Tell them you are on ìhome incarcerationî and ask if they could
please bring you some beer.
|16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
|17. ìOkay, Iíll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, Iím
not wearing any clothes.î
|18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
ìCome on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously Leon, howís your momma?î