1. Q. How many string bass players does it take to change
a light bulb?
2. Q. How many bass players does it take to
3. Q. Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys
in the car?
4. Q. How do you make a bass player turn down the volume?
5. Q. How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
6. Did you hear about the electric bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed?
7. Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a bass player?
8. Another little boy finally convinces his parents to get him a bass. After his first lesson his daddy asks how the lesson went. "Great, " says the little boy, "I learned all the notes in first position on the E string." For the next week he practiced E, F, F#, G, Ab. After the second week his daddy asks how the lesson went. "Great, " says the little boy, "I learned all the notes in first position on the A string." For the next week he practiced A, Bb, B, C, C#. After the third week his daddy asks how the lesson went. "I had to skip the lesson, man," he says, "I got a call about a gig."
1. Q. How many guitar players does it take to change a light
2. Q. What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
3. Q. What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out
both sides of his mouth?
4. Q. What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar
have in common.
5. Q. How can you tell a guitarist is walking behind you?
6. Q. How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
7. Q. What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to
turn his amplifier on?
8. Q. What's the best thing to play on a guitar?
9. Q. In the 22th century, how many guitar players will
you need to replace a light source?
10. Q. How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie
Ray Vaughn tune?
13. Q. What's the difference between a guitar player and
a bag of garbage ?
14. Q. What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
15. Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light
1. Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
2. Q. What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
3. Q. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4. Q: What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
5. Q. How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
6. Q. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
7. Q. Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains
8. Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"
9. Q: Where do you hide things from drummers?
10. A little boy says to his father, "Daddy, when I grow up I'm going to be a drummer". "Sorry, son," says his father, "...you can't do both..."
11. Q. How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
12. Q. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
13. Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a puppy?
14. Q. Why is a drummer like a skud missile?
15. Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
16. "A drummer is a musician's best friend."
17. Q. "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
1. Q. What's the first thing a musician says at work?
2. Q. What do you call a musician without a significant other?
3. Q. Why do musicians have to be awake by six o'clock?
4. Q. What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
5. Q. What's the difference between a conductor and a stagecoach
6. The stages of a Band's (musician's) life:
7. There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.
1. "The Backstreet Boys music is better than it sounds."
2. Q. What's the difference between a musician
and a bond?
3. Q. How do you get a musician off of your front porch ?
4. Q. What do you call a musician who breaks up with his girlfriend
5. Q. Why bury musicians 6 feet under?
Q: What's the difference between a soundman and God?
"THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY"
-We can fix it in the mix
1. Q. How many female vocalists does it take to sing the song
"Crazy"? (by Willie Nelson, made famous by Patsy Cline)
2. Q. What´s the difference between a lead singer
and a terrorist?
1. Q. How many music critics does it take to change a
2. Q. How many music critics does it take to change a light bulb?
3. Music critics are like eunuchs: they know exactly how it ought to be done.
4. Q. Why are music critics' columns bad choices to line the
bottom of a bird cage?
5. Q. What do you get if you cross a music critic with
a bowling ball?
6. Q. What do you get if you cross a music critic?
NEW RULES FOR BANDS IN THE 21st CENTURY
1. Never start a trio with a married couple.
2. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary.
3. No one cares who you've opened for.
4. A string section does not make your songs sound any more "important".
5. When you talk on stage you are never funny. (unless your a comedy group).
6. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music ("Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?")
7. Asking a crowd 'how they're doing' is just amplified small talk. Don't do it.
8. Never name a song after your band.
9. Never name your band after a song.
10. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser.
11. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: "rock opera", "white rapper", "blues jam", "swing band", "open mike", etc.
12. Listen, either break it to your parents or we will; it's rock 'n' roll, not a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows.
13. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
14. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends/boyfriends are for.
15. Yes we can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas.
16. Remember, if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
17. Things that are never coming back: